can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
