I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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