Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
