you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
