I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
