please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
