We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
