You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
