When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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