Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
