she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize