I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
