you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
