So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
