I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
