True but thats because hes a fetus.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
