Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
This toilet bowl is my home.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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