Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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