beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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