so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
