The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
