Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Also, beer. Big fan.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
