I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
