I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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