It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
