I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
