im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
