Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
