Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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