i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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