i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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