you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize