if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I can't turn off my feet"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
