I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So vagazzling was a success
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
