All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
im holly from the hills drunk
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
