i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you will always have a special place in my vag
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Randomize
