And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
