Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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