Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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