They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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