Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
