I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
