This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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