Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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