Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
