This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
