yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
