Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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