I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
