moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
