You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
