someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
zippers are such a cool invention
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
