Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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