i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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