she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
