I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
