Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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