My Higher Power is John Stamos
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize