Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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