I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
