Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
