so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
