another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
